


You can sit beside me when the world comes down

by bedlinens



Series: Living Again [1]
Category: The Originals (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-21
Updated: 2014-05-21
Packaged: 2018-01-26 00:38:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1668344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bedlinens/pseuds/bedlinens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hayley deals with the event of the finale. Spoilers for that episode.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You can sit beside me when the world comes down

**Author's Note:**

> Please R&R, this is my first piece in this fandom. As I wasn't finding that fic I needed to read after the finale, I decided to write it, and I am quite anxious to hear from you.  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing, the characters are not mine, and no money is made from this. Please do not sue. I do not own either the title of this piece which was borrowed from a All American Reject song "Mona Lisa".

Life goes on, but she is left behind.

Nothing makes sense anymore, not to her. She should be a mother, and perhaps she is indeed, but she is a mother without a child. She aches for her daughter, night and day. She’s seen the Sire bond in newly turned Hybrids, but it's not what's killing her. She just craves her baby daughter, not her maker. She wishes she could hold her in her arms, that she could sing songs to her. She longs to be awakened at night by her hungry daughter, and feed her. She doesn't know if she would have breastfed her or if she would have given her a bottle. For the short amount of time she had had her, her baby hadn't needed anything, as if feeling she had just escaped death.

Rebekah will be giving her bottles, changing her dirty diapers, soothing her cries. It makes Hayley weep. As Klaus had said, they were supposed to be grieving, and she is. She is grieving this life she should have had but she hasn't because... Is there a reason? She could blame Klaus and his questionable morals, or diplomatic skills, but she doesn't see the point. Yes, he did what he did, but his mother is the reason why they have to pretend Hope is dead. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter anymore that Klaus could have done things differently, or that Elijah could have handled that or this another way, or even than she, as the leader of her pack could have maybe done something. All that matters is the end results: she is a mother without her daughter. There is no word for that, for the parents who have lost their children.

It tears her apart, because she is a parent. She never questions it, even if her daughter is dead to the rest of the world, even if she forces herself to not think about her too much in case Esther is searching her brain, she is a mother. She is Hope's mother.

As they had agreed, they have gone back to living, so that the witches will believe that their plans has worked. Hayley has gone back to the bayou for a short time. She left almost as soon as she had gone back, she is not a werewolf anymore. She is a hybrid, and it scares her pack. They don't know how to act around her. Hell, she doesn't know how she should act herself, if there are things she should be doing.

Jackson... She is so sick of this bullcrap about the Crescent Moon clan and the Labonair and the betrothed arrangement. When she had gone back to the clan, grieving her daughter in her cabin, alternating between crying her heart out and waiting for death, she hadn't factored Jackson in. He hadn't understood her, and if there is one thing that is so senseless it's stupid, it has to be that. Werewolves are wolves. Wolves have a matriarchal society, and the female call the shots, sort of. When a she-wolf loses her cub or worse, her cubs, she mourns them, but she never heals. When she was on the run, Hayley had heard mother wolves howl in anguish, begging for death, as they had lost their reason to live. It had broken her heart. She had wished she could help them.

Now she is one of those she-wolves.

Jackson gave her a day and a half, then came to her and said something that in the end meant "maybe nature did what was needed, and you losing your child just means we should be moving on with our betrothal. Let's have cubs. Let's unite our clans. Your hybrid offspring doesn't deserve so many tears."

Sure, he had used different words, but the meaning had been another stab in her heart. She had grown attached to her clan, to the wolves of the bayou, and she had suddenly become aware that she was the mean to an end for them. Now that she's not a werewolf anymore, they have no use for her, especially if she won't marry Jackson, which is the only thing they expect of her. She is royalty, and she has duties in their eyes. They may despise the fact that she is not a pure werewolf anymore, or a werewolf at all, depends who you ask, but they have expectations of her, that she isn't willing to fulfill.

So she has left them behind.

She doesn't go back to the Mikaelson house, dreading the memories, the sight of the crib meant for her baby. Instead, she moves to another part of the bayou, in another cabin, away from all of them, away from the witches.

She is alone, and lonely, and in pain. She feels herself becoming tougher, stronger, in a way she hates. She hardens. She feels like she's sacrificing daily feelings, random emotions, so that desperation won't creep in and remind her of her baby girl, growing up somewhere, with her aunt who she will probably call "mother", and who will know about her but believe she left her behind. Sure, Rebekah will tell her that they had no choice, and they had no choice, but Hayley, or Andrea, she knows what her daughter will think. When she had learnt about her true inheritance and her bloodline, she had known that her parents had had to give her up, but it hadn't made her feel any better. She had been angry at Marcel and at everybody, including her parents. Yes, she had known that it had been the only way, that Marcel had saved her life with his policy when dealing with children, but still she had resented her parents. She had known and still knows that her parents did their best but she hates that they were able to let her go. She knows why she let her daughter go, but she also knows that Hope will think like she does.

It goes on for a while. She doesn't know what's going on in New Orleans, or in the bayou. She just lives by herself, becoming this person she doesn't recognize.

She feels like a she-wolf, even though she also feels the hybrid in her. What is she? What is she?

She decides that she doesn't care. She just keeps on living, hoping that one day, she will be reunited with her baby, and her daughter will understand.

She doesn’t think about Elijah, because it's another thing that makes her heart bleed. She knows he's hurting. Hell, he's been on Earth for so much longer than she has, and if she learnt anything living with the Mikaelson brothers, it's that the longer you are on Earth, the deeper you feel. She used to think you became jaded and life mattered less, but it's not the case. You have eternity to mule over things you loved and lost.

She chokes when she realizes that it's true about her too: she is now immortal. She will have eternity to pretend her daughter is dead. Her daughter will have immortality too, and it kills her. If Esther and Mikael are around, Hayley and Hope will live forever, but Hayley will never get to reunite with her baby, the love of her life.

She hardens even more, she can't deal. She just can't deal. Her mind is replaying those thoughts all the time. She doesn't sleep. She just ... survives. It's all she has left.

One night, while she runs in her part of the bayou (the werewolves are too scared of her to come around, and she doesn't hate it), she falls in the water, having tripped on a root, and the shock of the water coolness against her hot skin has her brain short-circuit. She finds herself drowning, sinking further into the murky water. She tells herself that she needs to push back and just go back to being who she is now, but her arms won't work.

She becomes numb, surprised by the depth of the water. Maybe it's not even deep, maybe she's just in limbo, which would be even more ridiculous but there she is.

She welcomes the numbness and finds herself screaming when she feels someone grab her and pull her back to the surface.

It's Elijah, of course. She can't say why, but she's not surprised. However, seeing him, there, stoic, in the suit he ruined to save her from the water that had been swallowing her, it all comes back. She screams again and starts crying, uncontrollably, messily as the pain of losing her daughter crashes back in her being. She can see the pain in Elijah's eyes, as he lost a niece he never thought he would ever have.

He whispers in her ear, something comforting, lifting her in his arms.

She just cries and cries.

When she wakes up in her bed, he's there, watching her.

She feels exhausted, and her eyes are sore. Her throat aches, and she knows that she must have cried for hours before falling asleep, or more accurately, surrendering to a welcome oblivion.

He's not touching her but he is sitting on her bed. He looks broken, and she has never seen him like this. Even when he had mourned Celeste, and remembered her, never had he looked so torn.

She struggles for words, unsure of what she should say.

"I miss her too," he says, and his voice in her ear makes her wants to weep again. "I miss you."

Tears are forming in her eyes, and he looks away, like he's afraid he’s overstepped his bounds. She reaches for his hand, unable to speak, needing him to look at her, to see her. She realizes that in her wish to shy herself from society, she has cut herself from him, and she never gave him signs he could come to her. She hadn't thought about it, mourning being the only thing on her mind, and now she sees. She witnesses the fact that he has been as alone if not more as she has. He understands her pain, and like her, he has no one to talk about it. He must have also carried the burden of knowing his parents are keeping her away from Hope. She can't imagine what he must feel like, but she knows he would never have sought her out for comfort, because he's too much of a gentleman, and is always afraid to impose on her. He had wanted her baby as hard as she had, and he had wanted her just as much as she wanted him. When the world had gone to hell, he had lost everything too.

"I miss her every day," she finally says. "And I missed you too."

He looks at her finally, and the pain she sees in his eyes must mirror hers. He squeezes her hand, and she let a tear slip down her cheek. He brushes it off, and she lean into his hand.

They have a long road to go, and she doesn't know where they're going, but she knows that they are going to be travelling this path together. She's not alone anymore, neither will he be. She kisses his hand, and she feels him relax. Oh the pain they feel is nowhere near gone, but for once she sees something looking like light down the road.


End file.
